Letter to Baby Chase

Dear Baby Chase -

I had this *instinct* that you may be arriving in this world earlier than scheduled. However, after my doctor visit this week, I now realize that what I was feeling wasn't actually instinct, but rather just a dose of wishful thinking. I mean, given all the pain and discomfort I'm feeling from these pre-labor contractions, I thought for sure we were making progress in regards to your descent into the real world. But to quote my doctor, "NADA" would be how much you've progressed thus far. Which translates to zero centimeters dilated, nothing, no progress... NADA! What do you have to say for yourself after playing these tricks on Mommy?!

So now that I've come to terms with the fact that you will most likely follow in your big brother's footsteps, and stay snug in my belly until you are forced to come out, I was wondering if we could come to an agreement on some things.

First, enough with the punches and kicks to my side and my ribs. Given all the cheese pizza and smoothies I've given you during this pregnancy, surely I deserve better treatment than that. Also, when you roll from side-to-side, is it possible to do this in one swift movement, instead of bouncing back and forth (for what seems like an eternity) until you get comfortable. You see, when you do this, your little tushie is shoved up against my ribs, and your head inevitably pounds on my bladder... which sends me to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I would be content if we could get the bathroom trips scaled back to once every 2 hours, so see what you can work out for me.

And finally, it is fairly evident that you are a *mover and a shaker* and don't like to stay in one place for very long. But I must explain to you the difference between night and day. During the day, you can move around all you want. But during nighttime, you should have your thumb in your mouth and be sleeping peacefully. Because when you sleep peacefully, then Mommy sleeps peacefully. I'm not sure what else I could do at night to make you more comfortable. I mean, I already have us surrounded by 5 or 6 comfy pillows, I sleep on my side so I won't crush you, and I've already kicked Daddy out of the bed 2 weeks ago to allow us more room to move around at night. (Of course, Daddy getting transferred to the spare room may have had something to do with him asking me how my "psychotic pain" is... when he knows damn well it's called "sciatic pain"... but that's a whole other story.) The point is, we have the whole bed to ourselves, what more could you ask for?

So in closing, I ask that you take my requests into consideration and get back to me as soon as possible. Remember, when Mommy is happy, everyone is happy!

Love,

Your Mommy

P.S. *Ouch* Did you seriously just kick me again?!